Another lost

My brother in law had passed away last Saturday morning after suffering from colon cancer for more than a year. He spent his last few months bedridden.My sister was with him till his last breath. Her children were younger than my mine when my husband died. Her daughter Nana is 8, same age as Omar and her son Danish is 4. Danish is still very young to understand what had happened, but he did ask my sister late in the evening " mama, where is papa". Now our small family had become even smaller with only 3 widower and 5 orphans.

Sometimes it is hard not to feel inferior to others when all you had to give are bad news. I did tell a friend of mine that she had changed, I had no other intention just to tell her how I felt. I know I upset her and I am sorry for what I did, but sometimes when you went through so many hardship in life you tend to be unpleasant to other people especially to your friends. sometimes you become jealous of what they had, I am happy for my friends when they are happy and have a good life, I do but sometimes deep inside me I felt lonely, envy and I felt that my friends don't deserved to be with me for I will only bring bad news and dark cloud to them. So for those whose heart I hurt please forgive me, I never intended to make you unhappy when you wanted to share your happiness with me, it's just me.