You want me to do what?

Hmm, a friend of mine ask me to be her spy. She ask me to spy on her husband. Should I do it, should I not. She came to me asking if I want to have a free meal at a restaurant, which I immediately agree( well I think that is what most of us would do, wouldn't you). But it turn out, she is paying me to spy her husband there.
What! Spy on your husband. What if he saw me, you know your husband knows me don't you.

Alah Rita, just act casual lah. By the way you must take their picture use your handphone lah.

Weh! are you carzy how am I going take the picture, I cannot simply take picture of him and his friend. Or may be I would just go to them and politely ask their permission to snap their picture. Can I do that he, he.

Rita, pleaselah and one more think don't tell anybody. (Alamak I already told you, I think this does not count as you don't know her kan)

You really are crazy, don't you trust your husband, apparently not.

Rita promise me you are not going to tell anybody.

Oklah but I have to think it over. i'll tell you later OK.

That' better, Ok Rita

So should I do it?

My sister

This year is not a good year for my sister. As I had wrote earlier this year, her husband is diagnosed with colon cancer and it had already reached stage 4. Now her husband had been in and out of the hospital. My sister now had a job alhamdullilah. Whenever her husband is in the hospital she will sleep at the hospital and go to work form hospital. Really I pity her, not only because of her husband's condition but also with her financial situation. Her debt now is to big to handle. The banks kept calling her.
Her daughter , Nana is 7 , same age as Omar however she looks more matured than her age. From the way she talk, you can sense that she is worried about her father, thinking of her future. She is overprotective of her little brother. I also noticed that she is much more thinner than before, when asked why she don't want to eat, she would say that she just don't feel like eating. Her exam result also deteriorate, she would say that she is worried of her father.
As for my children they did not saw they father suffers, but my niece and nephew see their father's condition deteriorating. My BIL is very weak and thin and now in the hospital.
Now all we can do is to pray things will be better for them. Sometimes I feel helpless for I cannot do anything for them. I once tought of withdrawing my late husband's money to pay for my sister's debt but my friends advice me not to do it because that money is not mine, instead it is my children's and it is a big sin if I do that. So I did not proceed with it.

Don't you want to remarry

Don't you want to be married again, it seems that, it is the question I get a lot lately. Just last week the same question came out from my mother's mouth, really caught me by surprise. Frankly I like the way life is going right now. Even though it is not easy to raise 3 growing children on my own, I found life is simpler this way.

Furthermore If I married again will my new partner love my children and will we be happy. My MIL also post the same question not to me but to my mother. It seems that she is interested to partner me with my brother in law who is coincidentally still single. To me, it is a bit weird and also at the same time funny. Luckily she did not ask me personally because I would not know how to answer her. Somehow I can still feel the present of my late husband so i guess I am still not ready. Yes that would be my answer.

Imperfection

I cried every time I watch this ad. Really it is the small things that I remember, the little imperfection that make him perfect for me.

Andai ku tahu

Aku takut akan semua dosa-dosa ku,
aku takut dosa yang terus membayangi ku

mumbling

I broke my own promise to my self, because I promise my self to write more posting in my blog but I broke it. What can I do, I am only human or can we say to err is human as an excuse to break promises, to come late or to make mistakes. When are we going to start and put the blame on ourselves. Being human is not an excuse to make mistakes because if it is, what about animals are there not allowed to make mistake or do they make mistake, hmmm now I wonder do animal make mistake, What do you think? But to think of it we have the ability to think better, we have the ability to feel emitions, then why can't we take responsibilty of our own mistake why do we say it is normal for human to make mistake. Sorry to write nonsense well what can I say I am only human.

Finally

Yeah!!! Finally I submitted my project paper for my masters today. Yoooooo hooooo. Alhamdullilah I nearly gave up but with the encouragement from my family and my husband's family finally I succeeded. Hopefully I can continue blogging after this, I felt free, felt like jumping around.

Today on my way back from Tanjung Malim I saw someone really resemble my late husband, I nearly hit a BMW trying to take a glance at him. Really missed him, somehow felt a part of me missing.

So hope to see you all soon.