His time had came

On 9 August at 3.00 am my beloved husband was taken from me after 12 years sharing our life together. Alhamdulillah I was on his side when he took his last breath. It was painful to saw the doctor tried to retrived him and I stood there, cannot do anything. He was my right hand and now he was gone. Sometimes I feel like giving him a call just to hear his voice and to make sure his ok. Everything is Allah's will, nothing I can do to stop it from happening I realise that.

I always said that I have to be strong for my children but the truth is, it is them who gave me strength. I still don't have the courage to sleep alone, I woke up in the middle of the night looking for him hoping that it is all a bad dream. I still keep all his things in order just like when he is still alive. My mother asked me to give away all his cloth to the needy but I still keep his cloth all press up hang nicely in the cupboard.

May Allah gave me courage and i hope I can be a good mother and father to my children. Yesterday Amir ask me why did he always remembered his father in all the things he did. I told him abah is watching him and ask him to be a good son and always pray for abah. He cried when his father was taken to the mosque, I know he tried not to cry because after I broke the new to him and Aisyah he wipe his eyes a few times but did not shed any tears.

Not my day

This last few days, actually for the past 3 weeks i've been coughing, I've went to see not only one but three doctors but my condition is still the same , hmm and I think it gone worse. From only coughing now I have running nose, block nose, my face all swollen and aching. The first doctor I met gave me antibiotic which does not agree with me so I got gastritis and diarrhea. So I went to see another doctor who gave me medication for my gastritis and diarrhea but no medicine for my cough and he ask me o stop my antibiotic. my stomach was better but my cough got worse, now with running nose.

The worse thing is my husband is infected by my illness and whenever he got respiratory infection his lung is filled with phlegm and he will have difficulty breathing. As long as i am still coughing he will be repeatedly infected, this I know because within this 3 weeks he have been recovering and got infected again. The last doctor I met, said my illness is not life threatening, I already know that, he is more concern with my husband because in my case it is the infection of the upper respiratory track whereas in my husband case it will go straight to his lung. But I don't think the doctor understand this , if they did not cure me my husband won't get better. His immune system is weak and is very sensitive to respiratory infection.

Now as i am typing, I am coughing, blowing my nose, my throat sore, my body aching but I am not near my husband that is one good thing. My husband is recovering, he can breath more easily now but I am coming home this evening so the episode will start again.

Hmm I am going to buy green tea on my way back.