How do you feel if someone says that your fail to raise your own kids and that someone is your own mother. I love my mother, i do, but sometimes things that she said just make me want to arggggh. I don't know whether I should continue writing or must I stop. I know it is not good to say bad things of your own mother but comparing me with her, with how she raise us and how badly i did with my own kids is not fair. May be I am not as strict as she use to be with me, may be I have to keep repeating to my children, may be sometimes they did not do the things I asked them to do promptly, but does that make me a bad mother. I am always under pressure every time my mother come compared to when my MIL visit me.
I don't know why I did not do a good job in raising my kids, i don't know why I fail but mak don't you think I tried. Mak how would you feel if when you scolded your son, he cried and hid behind the cupboard and begging for his father to comeback. I stop scolding them since that, instead I asked them softly, may be I have to repeat, may be I have to remind them many times but I know my children will do the things I said eventually. I am sorry mak, I know you meant good. I know I am who I am now because of you and I am grateful that I have you as a mother, but don't you think I know my children better. Please let me raise them my own way.
I don't know why I did not do a good job in raising my kids, i don't know why I fail but mak don't you think I tried. Mak how would you feel if when you scolded your son, he cried and hid behind the cupboard and begging for his father to comeback. I stop scolding them since that, instead I asked them softly, may be I have to repeat, may be I have to remind them many times but I know my children will do the things I said eventually. I am sorry mak, I know you meant good. I know I am who I am now because of you and I am grateful that I have you as a mother, but don't you think I know my children better. Please let me raise them my own way.
Rita, banyak2 bersabar ye..sememangnya aku pun byk problem dgn mak aku; especially bila dah jadi mak orang ni. Susah..nak cakap terus-terang, takut melukakan hatinya..kalau tak dijawab rasa geram aje. Dalam keadaan kau sekarang memang banyak cabarannya. Cuma masa yg akan menyedarkan dia yg she should let you do what you want.
ReplyDeleteDear Laily
ReplyDeleteMothers, as I have mentioned once before to Hliza, are strange creatures.
You can't live without them but at the same time you feel like strangling them.
As a daughter I always listen to my mother. But if I know I am doing something right but she thinks otherwise, I would do what my gut says.
And not surprisingly, it all turns out well.
Although mothers mean well, there are some things that they are mistaken.
Chill. Run your family the way you feel is fit.
And remember when your daughter becomes a mother, try not to make the same mistake.
God bless.
salam rita...sabar lah dengan kerenah mak kau. benda ni biasa. Aku pun mengalami hal yg sama, bukan shj the way I raise my kids, almosyt everything mmg tak sehaluan. kdg2 aku siap bertegang urat dgn mak aku. Puncanya di sini sebab perbezaan pendekatan but matlamatnya tetap sama. Buatlah apa yg nko rasa terbaik utk anak2 nko.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nani, Ain, and Aizan, I love her but sometimes I just need to let go of the things on my chest. When my late husband was still with me I have him as my shoulder to cry on. but now when the problem arise between me and my mother I just need someone to listen to me. Thanks for your support all this while
ReplyDeleteRasulullah saw pernah berpesan kiranya bunyi macam ni lah.. "didiklah anak kamu mengikut zamannya"
ReplyDeleteim not a mom yet (kawen pon blom.huhhu~), so i cant comment further.
have a good day, aunty laily
;)
Hi Laily, Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together, ha ha.
ReplyDeleteTapa la, sabar sikit....all mothers think they know best.
And you must remember, women like your mom...or fathers like me, we belong to the old school of thought. Old fashion, jurassic ideas of bringing up children.
Today when I see how some of my friends here bring up their children...I just shake my head.
A lot kurang hajar, don't know how to grret people. Datang rumah orang, terus nak buka orang punya computers main games, or buka TV very loud while parents and us talking.
But Laily, you just bring up your kids the best way you know how...and I am sure your kids are doing fine.
Don't worry or think too much of your mom's rantings, grumblings...
She and me come from a kampong called, 'Kampong Jurassic', ha ha.
You stay beautiful and have a nice weekend, Lee.
ps, kaku senang datang pondok saya...ada cherita about mothers. L.
look at my mom, i am afraid to be a mom. I think that is good explanation.lol.
ReplyDeleteSabar ajelah Rita. Apa nak buat dah mak2 kita tu set2 emak yg garang2. InsyALlah, as mothers, we understand our children differently from our own mom. Berbeza anak2 kita sekarang dgn keadaan kita time dulu2. Jadi pendekatan kita terhadap mereka pun kenalah berbeza. Kita pernah dengar, org2 alim kata, anak2 ini kena diingatkan 25 kali utk sesuatu perkara. Ini sesuatu yg normal. Jadi, takdelah anak2 awak tu degil...mmg lumrah anak2 begitu. Sebenarnya ALlah jua lah yg memelihara & mendidik anak2 kita. Kita setakat usaha...the end result is from Allah. Insya ALlah, kita doalah bnyk2 utk mereka. Bukankah doa ibu2 itu mustajab.
ReplyDeletegitulah rita...mak2 kita dgn cucu2 dia berbeza dgn kita anaknya sendiri.Cara didikan dia pun berbeza dgn cara kita. Zaman dulu lain dgn zaman sekarang rita. Bebdak kurang rasa tanggungjawab tak sama macam kita dulu. Sabar ...org tua rita...memang kena banyak sabar.
ReplyDeleteIts a fine line, mom and raising kids. Personally I think the answer is that everyone is different and everyone does things differently, and should be allowed to do it their way, barring certain boundaries.
ReplyDeleteAs respect my sister does listen to my mom for things that she knows she does well, but at the end of the day mom and daughter both have to know that it is the daughters responsibility.
Its just a matter of goign through this, its frustrating but doesnt mean in the slightest that you dont love your mom, or any of that stuff. So dont even think about it. we all get frustrated and angry and moreso with the ones we are closest too and love the most.
:)
nasihat i...ignore what she says. kalau dia marah2 atau start comparing u with anyone in the matter of raising children...u just shut it off. kalau kita tak kuat iman, memang boleh bertengkar. u know your children best, so u do what u know is good for them. don't take her words to heart. and most importantly, don't quarrel with her.
ReplyDeletebut what really brought me to tears, is when your child cried for his dad to come back. and i admire u for your strenght. u are a good mother. so, don't worry what others say.
doa i untuk u and your children.