Another lost

My brother in law had passed away last Saturday morning after suffering from colon cancer for more than a year. He spent his last few months bedridden.My sister was with him till his last breath. Her children were younger than my mine when my husband died. Her daughter Nana is 8, same age as Omar and her son Danish is 4. Danish is still very young to understand what had happened, but he did ask my sister late in the evening " mama, where is papa". Now our small family had become even smaller with only 3 widower and 5 orphans.

Sometimes it is hard not to feel inferior to others when all you had to give are bad news. I did tell a friend of mine that she had changed, I had no other intention just to tell her how I felt. I know I upset her and I am sorry for what I did, but sometimes when you went through so many hardship in life you tend to be unpleasant to other people especially to your friends. sometimes you become jealous of what they had, I am happy for my friends when they are happy and have a good life, I do but sometimes deep inside me I felt lonely, envy and I felt that my friends don't deserved to be with me for I will only bring bad news and dark cloud to them. So for those whose heart I hurt please forgive me, I never intended to make you unhappy when you wanted to share your happiness with me, it's just me.

Series of unfortunate events

This loyal car of mine has a series of unfortunate events these few weeks. Firstly it was hit by a car. When people say you cannot stop from things to happened they sure are not joking. Because on that day and on that particular time a lady who had stopped driving for 7 year decided to drive her car and also at that particular time I took my sons to have a hair cut ( I've been postponing this for a few weeks). So when our car went face-to face the lady's car decided to touch my car door. What can I do but just look at her looking at me but did not stop her car. I keep my coolness I did not shout at her or use forbidden words. Waited for her to reverse her car, but her car just won't budge.

What the ****(please fill in with the word that you feel is suitable) is she doing. so I got out from my car( How do I manage to get out from my car if she hit my car door which is obviously on the driver's side you might think, It is not easy I have to say) , she also came out from her car and slowly she said, Kak, can you move my car. What! now I had to move her car, actually I pity her, her face is so pale and I saw her children are in the car and also her mother is in it too. I get in her car and reverse it. To make a long story short, she promise to pay for my car damages which had been repaired except for the paint job because I need to use the car.

A week later another unfortunate event happened which involve my car and an Ice lorry. However this story have to wait because I need to get my children to take a bath now. So see you soon.

To potong or not to potong

Yes another re run on broadband. I really had it with mobile broadband. To potong is not my choice because I am already terpotong. As I told you before, my case with Telekom Malaysia, where they refuse to stand another telephone pole near my house since there are only two houses left without fixed line connection. So, I had to use mobile broadband for my internet connection. My first experience with mobile broadband is with Digi, I guess the yellow ghost don't work with Internet because the speed is so slow, I can sleep while downloading and after I woke up my computer still hadn't finish. Then I turn to Celcom, this time it is a bit better, still I wasn't satisfied with the speed, very slow, but this time when I woke up my computer had finish downloading.

May be the known telecommunication co had problem in handling demands, that was what I thought when I change to U mobile. I was their first few customer I presumed because every time I mentioned that I am using U mobile people would ask me, "what is that?". Some thought it is a product from Digi. Excuse me after my experience with Digi, do you really think I would use their product again. U mobile seldom gave me any problem, I used it for two years and I really got a good bargain, because I only need to paid RM 50 to get the USB modem and RM 78 monthly, nothing else. I also am satisfied with the speed for I can watch U tube now even though I still need to wait a few minutes for it to be fully downloaded. However, there is one big glitch, the warranty for the USB modem is only one year. and at exactly the 2nd year my modem is broken. So I decided to change to P1Wimax. So I Potong even though I am already terpotong. Now 2 computer can connect to the net simultaneously ( this I like because less fighting in the house on whose turn to go online). However even though now I am paying more then U mobile which is RM 99 per month, I am really not satisfied with the service because now the speed is slow and also the connection is always interrupted. Arrghh, I had 2 years contract with them so I have to be very patient for this 2 years before I can change to another broadband provider.

gossips

Have you ever gossip about your teachers or lecturers, or should I rephrase it to, who haven't gossip about their teachers or lecturer. I caught my girls gossiping about their teachers in facebook. hmm I guess they forgot they are my fb friends. So, to my girls be careful what you write in your fb, for I might be lurking like a snake in a bush. I was in their shoe once, so I understand but a reminder to my girls teachers are human to, they have feelings. It is okay to gossip about teachers but don't get too carried away. I remember my teachers, some really gave a big impact, some just filling in a chapter in my life. My dream is to be a teacher who can make a change in my students life, however it is not an easy things to do. I give my all when I am teaching, somehow it seems not enough.

office politics

As you grow older life seems more complicated. The person you thought is your friend might be your biggest enemy. It is even harder to trust people, they might stab you at the back anytime. I remember as a student, friends are the person whom I will turn to, when I had a problem.

I have no problem being friends with anyone, but never to close, not like when I was studying. When you befriend with everybody, it is confusing because people seems to want you to be on their side. I am the quiet type of person, I love to listen rather than talk and I guest it is the reason why I can get along with anybody. When people said bad things about other people I just let it passed through me. I also had hearing problem, I can't hear well( guess it come with age and listening to walkman during my younger day has it's effect) , in this case it is a blessing because when people talk about others I just nod but the truth is I just cannot hear clearly what they are talking about.

Office politics is a very dangerous thing, it can make your working life miserable and even worse it can jeopardise your job. Some people can be so cruel and very selfish, and most dangerously when these type of people started to gang up. They can say nice things to you but 2o minutes later they trash you out behind your back.

Have you ever met such people?

facebook anyone

I've joined facebook, so when the school session started my students would say " hah teacher you have facebook ye" many of them had became my friends, many of them were my ex-students whom i have lost contact with. It is amazing how small the world had became, no matter where you are, you can still be in contact with anybody you want and sometimes it feel as if they are next door.

Even though facebook amaze me, somehow for some reasons I seems to not be able to write there. I don't know what to write there. Some people write almost everything they did everyday, some just want to show off their loved ones, some love to send hugs and kisses like zanas ( thanks for all the hugs and kisses, I 'm still waiting for the scrapbook though). As for me it seems to be nothing interesting to share even when if there is, I would prefer to blog about it.

One of the reasons why I don't like to write updates on facebook is because all my friend are there, my students are there, my ex school mate are there my ex collage mate are they my blogger friends are there hmm everybody are there so I felt a bit inferior may be because my life is not as interesting and as successful as them. I use to be a shy and timid person and still is I guess. I am more comfortable with my blogger friends.

So what about you , what do feel about facebook.

You want me to do what?

Hmm, a friend of mine ask me to be her spy. She ask me to spy on her husband. Should I do it, should I not. She came to me asking if I want to have a free meal at a restaurant, which I immediately agree( well I think that is what most of us would do, wouldn't you). But it turn out, she is paying me to spy her husband there.
What! Spy on your husband. What if he saw me, you know your husband knows me don't you.

Alah Rita, just act casual lah. By the way you must take their picture use your handphone lah.

Weh! are you carzy how am I going take the picture, I cannot simply take picture of him and his friend. Or may be I would just go to them and politely ask their permission to snap their picture. Can I do that he, he.

Rita, pleaselah and one more think don't tell anybody. (Alamak I already told you, I think this does not count as you don't know her kan)

You really are crazy, don't you trust your husband, apparently not.

Rita promise me you are not going to tell anybody.

Oklah but I have to think it over. i'll tell you later OK.

That' better, Ok Rita

So should I do it?

My sister

This year is not a good year for my sister. As I had wrote earlier this year, her husband is diagnosed with colon cancer and it had already reached stage 4. Now her husband had been in and out of the hospital. My sister now had a job alhamdullilah. Whenever her husband is in the hospital she will sleep at the hospital and go to work form hospital. Really I pity her, not only because of her husband's condition but also with her financial situation. Her debt now is to big to handle. The banks kept calling her.
Her daughter , Nana is 7 , same age as Omar however she looks more matured than her age. From the way she talk, you can sense that she is worried about her father, thinking of her future. She is overprotective of her little brother. I also noticed that she is much more thinner than before, when asked why she don't want to eat, she would say that she just don't feel like eating. Her exam result also deteriorate, she would say that she is worried of her father.
As for my children they did not saw they father suffers, but my niece and nephew see their father's condition deteriorating. My BIL is very weak and thin and now in the hospital.
Now all we can do is to pray things will be better for them. Sometimes I feel helpless for I cannot do anything for them. I once tought of withdrawing my late husband's money to pay for my sister's debt but my friends advice me not to do it because that money is not mine, instead it is my children's and it is a big sin if I do that. So I did not proceed with it.

Don't you want to remarry

Don't you want to be married again, it seems that, it is the question I get a lot lately. Just last week the same question came out from my mother's mouth, really caught me by surprise. Frankly I like the way life is going right now. Even though it is not easy to raise 3 growing children on my own, I found life is simpler this way.

Furthermore If I married again will my new partner love my children and will we be happy. My MIL also post the same question not to me but to my mother. It seems that she is interested to partner me with my brother in law who is coincidentally still single. To me, it is a bit weird and also at the same time funny. Luckily she did not ask me personally because I would not know how to answer her. Somehow I can still feel the present of my late husband so i guess I am still not ready. Yes that would be my answer.

Imperfection

I cried every time I watch this ad. Really it is the small things that I remember, the little imperfection that make him perfect for me.

Andai ku tahu

Aku takut akan semua dosa-dosa ku,
aku takut dosa yang terus membayangi ku

mumbling

I broke my own promise to my self, because I promise my self to write more posting in my blog but I broke it. What can I do, I am only human or can we say to err is human as an excuse to break promises, to come late or to make mistakes. When are we going to start and put the blame on ourselves. Being human is not an excuse to make mistakes because if it is, what about animals are there not allowed to make mistake or do they make mistake, hmmm now I wonder do animal make mistake, What do you think? But to think of it we have the ability to think better, we have the ability to feel emitions, then why can't we take responsibilty of our own mistake why do we say it is normal for human to make mistake. Sorry to write nonsense well what can I say I am only human.

Finally

Yeah!!! Finally I submitted my project paper for my masters today. Yoooooo hooooo. Alhamdullilah I nearly gave up but with the encouragement from my family and my husband's family finally I succeeded. Hopefully I can continue blogging after this, I felt free, felt like jumping around.

Today on my way back from Tanjung Malim I saw someone really resemble my late husband, I nearly hit a BMW trying to take a glance at him. Really missed him, somehow felt a part of me missing.

So hope to see you all soon.

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

 The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,  why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

 Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

 Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

 One student, however, wrote the following:

 First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

 Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one
of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.

 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

 So which is it?

 If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over!
The corollary of this theory  is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,  last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

 THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

 Are you laughing ??????

Another sad news

Last week my BIL went for an operation due to blocked intestine. So my sister took care of him while I stay with the kids at home. I was supposed to brought the kids after the operation. around three my sister called crying, I automatically suspect something really bad had happened and the news was the operation went well but my BIL is diagnosed with colon cancer stage 4 and the doctor predict with chemotherapy he can live for one or two years.

I rushed to the hospital, my sister was crying and when she saw me she ask why did god test us like this, first my father then my husband and now her husband. I have no answer to that, but I told her that we should not question god's will. We should be thankful that the operation went well and her husband is still alive. The doctor can predict but everything is Allah's will. When I got home her children keep asking for her and their father. My niece is now in standard one same like Omar and her brother is only 4 years old, still to young to understand what is happening.

I hope my sister can be strong for her husband and children, unlike me she is pampered during childhood. Now I am trying my best to find her a job because she need to be able to support herself and her children if the worse happen. Her husband is going to need constant attention and support. One big problem now is her husband refuse to undergo chemotherapy.

I am a bad mother

How do you feel if someone says that your fail to raise your own kids and that someone is your own mother. I love my mother, i do, but sometimes things that she said just make me want to arggggh. I don't know whether I should continue writing or must I stop. I know it is not good to say bad things of your own mother but comparing me with her, with how she raise us and how badly i did with my own kids is not fair. May be I am not as strict as she use to be with me, may be I have to keep repeating to my children, may be sometimes they did not do the things I asked them to do promptly, but does that make me a bad mother. I am always under pressure every time my mother come compared to when my MIL visit me.

I don't know why I did not do a good job in raising my kids, i don't know why I fail but mak don't you think I tried. Mak how would you feel if when you scolded your son, he cried and hid behind the cupboard and begging for his father to comeback. I stop scolding them since that, instead I asked them softly, may be I have to repeat, may be I have to remind them many times but I know my children will do the things I said eventually. I am sorry mak, I know you meant good. I know I am who I am now because of you and I am grateful that I have you as a mother, but don't you think I know my children better. Please let me raise them my own way.

Neglected

I've been neglecting my blog for nearly a month. Why? I can give many excuses but the main reason is my laziness, furthermore I am only human. Another reason is I have a full house. Hmm full house you might ask, it is literally full house.

My sister , her family and her maid is staying with me now and I rented one room to a new teacher who just posted to my school. Sometimes my mother came and visit us. My sister had been staying with me for nearly a month and the new teacher rented the room for two months. My house has four rooms and all room are occupied. Some of you might say, how can I cope with so many people in my house but actually the truth is I like the situation now.

First of all I don't have to worry about my children because when they reach home my sister and her maid is in the house to look after them, my mind are at ease. My house is lively like it used to be (because after my husband's death, my house was not the same, it is quiet no more laughter). Now with 11 people in the house , it is alive again.

However I have to compete with my sister to use the internet Arrrgh. He he he

Second phase

Thanks for all the positive comments, really boost my spirit. Make me want to do more for my girls. So this is the second phase of what we have done. Some teacher said it looks more like a kindergarten, but when I ask my girls they love it and well to me that is more important. With limited resources this is what we had achieved so far.

The recreational reading area with smiley pillows

Another recreational reading area, usually teachers use this area but I never stop the girls from using this area

As for the blog I already open an account and I've link it to sites that I felt useful for my girls and my colleagues and it is fully in bahasa. Only for entries on Thursday is in English because it is English day. However I am having problem in changing the header picture. I wanted to make the picture I took as the header but somehow it is not so easy.

Now I need to solve another problem, good books keep missing from the resource center aka library. The library had faced this problem for a long time. Every time new books coming in, it went missing. So as the solution the previous teacher hid the books in the processing room. I don't want to do that, what is the use of buying new books if the girls cannot make full use of it. So any ideas. He he he I am getting free consultation from my fellow blogger hope you don't mind.

The first phase

I would like to thank all of you for your ideas regarding my school library. I am in the process of trying to make the library a more inviting place for my students and also in the process to fully automated the library system ( two teachers before me tried but fail). These are the result of nearly a month of hard and dirty work. Now I am in the process of planning a section for recreational reading, where the students can sit on the floor and read. These are the first phase photos so wait for the second phase

The square table around the world

This arrangement came from one of my librarian

I also plan to open a blog for my library so that my students can view the latest books and also they can give their comments. I hope with this method I can encourage my students to use the internet and to give them the chance to voice out what type of books they wanted to read. So what do you think?

Amir's birthday

Today 29 th January is Amir's birthday, but this not about Amir's birthday it is a day before it. We went to Port Dickson on that very day. Aisyah is suppose to be in school, however she is not , he he. Whatlah her mother is a teacher yet .......... ( so please fill in the blank with your own word I just don't have the heart to write it)

Actually this is our first real outing after my husband's death. We went with my sister her children and my mother even though she just undergo a knee operation she insisted on going ( so mak don't complain ya). Amir said this is the best birthday ever ( we actually celebrated his birthday on that day because I can't afford to make my kids miss two schooling days, can I?)

All five children looking at the horizon I presumed

I wonder who's boat is this

This is how titanic suppose to end